Monday, 14 November 2011

The Worst Fancy Dress of 2011?

By Anna Robin.

‘Twas the Halloween weekend. The time of the year when the normal rules we take for granted are gone. The dead rise from their graves, witches take to the sky, werewolves run through the woods, vampires go hunting for flaxen haired virgins and normal people up and down the country throw caution to the wind and indulge in crimes of fancy dress.

Any sane person would have stayed in, locked the doors and left a pumpkin at the window to frighten away the evil spirits roaming outside. A sane person would have snuggled up with a bottle of red wine and a season of True Blood.

But who can resist the call of the Halloween weekend? Themed evenings litter the town; from all-night horror films and ghostly pub quizzes to ghoulish wine tastings. I know I cannot. If only I could have looked into the future, maybe I could have saved my eyes from the two worst costumes of Halloween 2011:

1) I was casually tasting wine at the rather enjoyable Vinopolis Halloween Ball when there in front of me, it was…

…a monument to bad taste, the perversion of costume shops, the golem of fancy dress parties: a man wearing a giant novelty tie, with the words “Sex Instructor” emblazoned across it (disclaimer: he was not part of the Vinopolis staff). Oh the horror!

The room reeled. I closed my eyes willing it to be a nightmare but no it was all too true. A grown man believed that this was the height of wit. Blindly, I stumbled over for some delicious absinth tasting to help return me to my senses.

My fellow Londoners, I know you can imagine my pain. I prayed he was from elsewhere. Could someone who lives in our beloved city be capable of such a fashion faux pas?

But then later, having barely recovered….

2) I was minding my own business, getting some money from an ATM when a young lady walked past, dressed as Mrs Claus, if Mrs Claus wore micro-mini skirts and tinsel as a top. I felt weak, was she mad? Did she believe it was Christmas? Was she wearing the clothes of a child that she had put on by mistake? No, as much as I wished it, I could not shy away from the truth, this was what she believed to be an acceptable costume!

But do not despair! It seems that all is not lost in our beloved London town. Sitting on the tube, I saw a girl on her own, one side of her face a mass of bruises. This was clearly the work of a lover, I thought, a malicious slap across the face. Should I say something, I wondered? Should I approach? She turned her head revealing three deep gauges on the other side of her face, one oozing slightly. Unless she was suffering from the abuse of a werewolf, I had been had; a truly frightening sight.

Can you better an obscene novelty tie or a minute of tube terror? What was the scariest or most cringe-worthy costume that you witnessed in 2011? Overall, the participants at the Vinopolis Halloween Ball did rather well.

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